I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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