Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
