I didn't shave. On purpose
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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