I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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