Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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