Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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