Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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