When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
