South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize