i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
