my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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