You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
