Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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