I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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