I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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