Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
