Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
