You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
