the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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