dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
