Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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