I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize