does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
