Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
