dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
