Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
