your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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