All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
