i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
