You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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