I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
