You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
