Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
