do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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