My Higher Power is John Stamos
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize