And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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