Welp...herpes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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