got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
