alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
