a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
