Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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