Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
