you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
