I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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