I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
