I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
