Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
