how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize