it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
