NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
