Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
