Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize