I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
