My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
