ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
