a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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