I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
