...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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