Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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