The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
