i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
