I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
