I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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