he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
