ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
