I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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