He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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