he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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