if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
