I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
