Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
