dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
