That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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