He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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