I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
