You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
