You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
