bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
