just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
