You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
