I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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