I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
