i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
