oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
