after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
