I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
