I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ketchup is God's man juice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
