my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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