Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
