He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
