finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
