I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
