You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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