Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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