when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
