tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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