Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
